World's End

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but when life gets tough it’s hard to always feel like that’s the case. Recently I found out that I wouldn’t be able to graduate this year because there was an issue with my dissertation module. Apparently I missed a minor deadline, and because of that not only would I have to wait till next year to submit my dissertation, but my overall grade for the module would be capped at 40%. It was like a double slap to that face, and when I was told this by my head of year, you could hear the audible thud as my jaw hit the floor.

  For the next week I felt like my whole world had come crashing down. I didn’t go into uni, I hid away in my room not wanting to face the world. In my mind I had already accepted that my university dream was lying in tatters. I mean, this news meant that I would never achieve the 2:1 I had been so close to getting, and to have it snatched away just like that with 6 weeks to go till the end of my life as a student was soul-crushing. As an academic overachiever all my life, a 2:2 had never been in my life plan.

  In these situations it’s easy to become self absorbed and feel like you have nobody to turn to. I know I definitely felt like that for the first few days, even though I had people calling me constantly to make sure I was ok. It didn’t help matters that my best friend/flatmate had decided to remain emotionally MIA throughout the whole thing. Even though I know that’s just how she is as a person, I couldn’t help but feel hurt and resentful that she couldn’t even put an arm round me and tell me it wasn’t the end of the world. My poor boyfriend bore the brunt of my emotions and did his best to comfort me suggested I get out of the country for a couple of months to avoid the awkwardness of watching all my friends graduate while I was left behind, and believe me when I say I’m still tempted to take him up on the offer.

  The hardest bit for me was accepting this was obviously meant to be. I still can’t wrap my head around why this happened, but it’s times like this I remember that everything happens for a reason. Unfortunately I just don’t know what that is yet. So for now I’m going to continue trying to find that silver lining that I know is hiding somewhere in the storm clouds.