The Camel Called and Wants His Toe Back

  You get some weird sorts on the buses here in Birmingham, and Sunday afternoon was no exception. Having taken a pleasant stroll around Cannon hill Park after church with my boyfriend, we got on the bus to head back to town, and during that journey we were affronted by a rather morbidly obese woman waddling onto the bus with her child. Now normally this doesn't bother me, but this woman committed so many crimes against nature I had to note them all down. 

  First and foremost, she was SO FAT she could not fit into ANY SEAT on the bus. Yeah, that's right, so instead she had to stand with her rear end facing my unfortunate boyfriend the whole journey. Which brings me to point 2, this woman was wearing leggings. 

Skin. Tight. Leggings.

  You could see the knicker line so prominently I felt embarrassed for her. Women out there who are of the more than curvy persuasion, please please PLEASE for the sake of the rest of us, dress for your size. None of us should have to sit through that. And if you must wear leggings then at least wear a thong. If y'all don't have one may I please direct you to your nearest Boux Avenue/La Senza/the Primark where you probably picked out those trashy leggings in the first place. You would be doing the world a favour. Now I know I'm a bit of a big woman myself, but you don't see me going around dressed in crop tops, mini skirts and sheer leggings now do you?

  All these faux pas lead to a rather unfortunate case of the worst camel toe I have ever seen...

FRONT AND BACK

  Honey I'm sorry but I was not even aware this was physically possible for it to happen at the back. A thong wouldn't have saved you, what you need is to hit that treadmill and get a better fitting pair of jeans/a binbag for those tree trunks of yours. Now I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I wouldn't have laid into you if you hadn't been standing there with this evil look on your face wondering why the poor woman and child you were facing were in such a hurry to move seats, you were practically thrusting your crotch into her face. The view from behind was bad enough, I can only imagine the horrors she was experiencing from the front! I staggered off that bus so mentally scarred those images will haunt me for a long while before they begin to subside.