How To Lose Your Assignment

Hello ladies and gentlemen, tonight I am going to show you how to lose your super important assignment. Are you comfortable? Very well, let's begin.

Step 1) Enrol at university, not just any uni mind. Pick one renowned for its incompetence and inability to care about anything.

Step 2) Pick a subject where essay writing is key to everything you do. 

Step 3) Ensure the tutor marking your assignment is a complete fool. THIS IS ESSENTIAL

Step 4) Finish your assignment at the university library on one of the readily unavailable Stone Age computers they supply.

Step 5) Correctly hand in your assignment on time (or a day before as I did) and walk away knowing you did the best you could and there's nothing more you can do but wait.

Step 6) Be informed by your module coordinater, the only one who seems to actually care what is going on that your assignment has unfortunately gone for a walk and the office are unable to locate it. This will therefore result in a fail being flagged up in your results being nothing was submitted, when you know full well that was a lie. 

Step 7) Lose all faith in humanity, drop out of university and take up a full time position at McDonald's where you will spend the rest of your uneducated existence flipping burgers for minimum wage.